Try entering into my thinking,
That’s hard at the best of times,
As these thoughts of madness need to warrant a kicked behind.
You see, it’s 2009, I didn’t believe in God and I couldn’t see the woods through the trees,
I was scared of life as an end of a relationship was the factor of my mind blowing,
I was depressed and suffered a mental health episode that stopped me growing.
I wanted life to end, I didn’t care as I wanted this life to go,
I wanted life on life’s terms… but the blanket of suffocation wouldn’t allow me to show.
I was 36 and thought I failed, and I gave up on people as I felt bleak,
God is my safety net which now I can truly seek.
I failed but I tried again in 2023;
My father died and I didn’t get on with the other family members, and I turned 50 years old, and to add my time with with the NHS ended.
The wheels fell off, my head couldn’t cope no more, I injected180 units as I proceeded to go to bed,
I wanted God to take me home
But it wasn’t my time to leave this earth as God wanted me to stay as there are plenty more poems to write and share through this walk I have lead.
“A suicidal attempt back in 2009 and 2023… thank the Lord”
Jason
31st July 2026
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